Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
