Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So many bounce houses so little time
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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