i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
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hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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