Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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