Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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