A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
