it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The air was thick with penises
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You ruined the universe
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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