think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
