So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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