well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
