More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
