our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
