she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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