hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.