Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize