I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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