a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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