If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
