mondays should just be called national damage control day
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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