Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
