He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
