Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
