When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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