Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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