Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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