it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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