We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
