Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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