I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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