I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
