First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize