How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
They have beer where we have blood.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
