you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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