Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
