New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
