She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
