You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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