Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
