Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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