That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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