i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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