you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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