Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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