On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
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Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
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His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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