dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
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