the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
