My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
