then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
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I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
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It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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