I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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