I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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