This girl is more easily done than said...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
