when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
