ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
