I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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