Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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