my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Randomize
