I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
