Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
