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omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
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