Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch

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(914): omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch http://tfl.nu/rn4k

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(561): View more from Florida

I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.

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(561): I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream. http://tfl.nu/f7mo

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(512): View more from Texas

I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.

(573): View more from Missouri

Successful day.

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(512): I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave. (573): Successful day. http://tfl.nu/6nom

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook

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(508): i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook http://tfl.nu/ft2u

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...

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(617): Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh... http://tfl.nu/to9x

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(702): View more from Nevada

I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.

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(702): I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault. http://tfl.nu/1m55

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(425): View more from Washington

Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.

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(425): Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight. http://tfl.nu/mywq

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.

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(405): I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign. http://tfl.nu/rxal

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.

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(505): Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later. http://tfl.nu/q053

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(845): View more from New York

3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.

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(845): 3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year. http://tfl.nu/9uak

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(614): View more from Ohio

You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.

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(614): You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city. http://tfl.nu/ce0d

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(415): View more from California

He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type

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(415): He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type http://tfl.nu/pqp7

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(563): View more from Iowa

I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.

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(563): I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows. http://tfl.nu/yvop

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(949): View more from California

You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.

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(949): You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on. http://tfl.nu/pfvu

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.

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(609): I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding. http://tfl.nu/8ezs

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