I've blown a few things in my day
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30