Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
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Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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