my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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