so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
