I got chris browned last night
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
