her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
