Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
