Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
