Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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